Here we are again at the as. mansion for another Golden Globes. I like globes, but I like them more tan than golden.
Tina Fey & Amy Pohler are hosting. They're funny, for chicks. Apparently I'm either a woman or a gay man because I'm watching at home. That makes you all gayer or womener for reading this. This monologue seems too forced, but it's funny enough. At least it's not that British dude hosting again, so they have that going for them, which is nice.
Martin Scorcese seems like a cool old fuck.
I didn't know Parks and Recreation is still on the air? Who knew?
Ha, that was a funny George Clooney joke. You guys missed it.
They just showed one if the Somalian dudes from Capt Phillips, and they said he's from Minnesota. It's weird how many Somalians are in Minny. What's up with that, kod?
Planet Hollywood is still a thing? I thought that went bankrupt years ago.
Ok this monologue is getting better. You guys really are missing it, though.
Ha, Tina Fey wants to fuck the goddamn Somali pirate. I don't blame her. He has great teeth.
Cmk just crowned me because I said "who's that?" about a dude presenting an award and it was Channing Tatum.
J-Law won the first award for American Hustle. I think I want to see that movie. She's not at cute as I remember. Too bad.
Mmmmmmmmmila Kunis. That is all. She fine.
Some lady just won for a tv show and took about 2 minutes to get to the stage. Now she doesn't know how to give a speech. She said shit, but they bleeped it too early so you heard the shit part. That made up for the last 5 minutes of my life she wasted.
There is a Jewish guy on stage now. I know that narrowed it down. You should be able to figure it out.
What the fuck is with every winner taking forever to get to the stage? At least they correctly bleeped this ghostly emo bitch.
Awkward moment. The teleprompter was showing the wrong shit or Jonah Hill and some cute blonde. But the blonde didn't know how to improvise so it was just awkward.
Walter White guy won lead actor for a tv drama. Nerve seen that show, but I hear it's great. Some day when I'm old I will watch it.
Breaking Bad wins best tv drama. Nerve seen that show, but I hear it's great. Some day when I'm old I will watch it.
So what does the Hollywood foreign press do? Fucking foreigners.
Bono won an award for a movie song. Not Sonny Bono. He died years ago. He was doing a straight slalom ski run. Is Bono gay? He's just wearing an earring in his right ear. Maybe he's not gay. But he's definitely a homo.
It's amazing how many of these people win and get up to the mic and have no idea what to say. Speaking in public is your goddamn profession. It's all you do. I don't get it.
I like Olivia Wilde. But she's knocked up. I think she's with an SNL guy. He wins.
Way too many skinny bitches tonight. I've seen more ribs tonight than that one time I went to Tomy Roma's.
Wait, Andy Samburg has a tv show? When did this happen? And he won the globe for it? What am I missing?
Oh, so according to cmk, I am missing at some shows aren't actually on tv, they are only on Netflix. KIK. But I don't think his show is one that is on Netflix. So I guess I'm back to the first square.
Melissa McCarthy is a fucking BEAST. Which makes sense, I guess. She probably eats a lot of McDonald's.
Frozen win for best cartoon. That was a pretty good flick. Actually, one of the better new Disney movies I've seen in a while. See? I like some cartoons.
Emma Stone's lisp bothers me. Like, a lot. A whole lot. Sue me.
Ben Affleck is HAMMERED. Slurring like a motherfucker. He's not even trying to hide it.
Uma Thurman is gross.
So the Samburg show won best comedy series. Has anyone here seen this show? Is it really that good? Better than Modern Family? It's about Brooklyn, so I'm sure LP loves it. That's probably why it won, because CM is the best.
American Hustle is cleaning up. Both chick awards and best comedy motion picture. I guess I'm gonna pick that one for our date night movie this weekend.
Leo DiCaprio must dip a lot. He has dip lip.
Best drama motion picture goes to black folk. Never heard of that slave movie before tonight.
That's all. Time to go attempt sexy time.