Here we are again from the as. tavern, in beautiful Gilbert, Arizona, for another runny diary. Here is a cliff's notes version of the 2013 MTV video music awards... *note, this is on dvr, so the times are jacked up
8:27 fucking Lady Gaga. I hate her. She whores for almost as much attention as aitch. Almost. She's ugly and not talented. She is like everyone on LOV. I'm gonna FF through this opening.
8:31 oh look, speaking of untalented, it's 1 Direction. Fucking Brits. They just showed T Swift and S Gomez. I'd 3some that pair. First award of the night is best pop video. I hope Bruno Mars doesn't win. And the winner is... Selena Gomez. She's showing some leg. I like it. She seems flighty. I like it.
8:35 ha, the SNL chick is doing the Miley Cyrus act. That's entertaining. Do you know what's not entertaining? The real Miley Cyrus act that is on my tv now. FF
8:38 Blurred Lines. Jesus, Miley is a little whore. She looks like she's hammered.
8:39 Two Chainzzzzzz. There is a lot of fat asses on stage. It's like a twerkfest right now. I like it.
8:43best hip hop video. FF /tem & jug. I hope Macklemore wins. Because he's white. (S). And the winner is... Macklemore. Suite. Ryan Lewis sounds like John Legend. Macklemore wears tight pants. And he has a suite 90s haircut. And now they're talking too much. NEXT!
8:48 Yeesus. Fucking talented dude. A giant ass, though. He's more of an ass than Kim K's ass is an ass. I think I literally hate him as a person, but he's probably one of my top 5 favorite artists. Crazy.
8:53 I'm tired if this Daft Punk song. Pharell is cool, though. They're presenting best women* video. I hope Miley doesn't win. And the moon man goes to... T Sweezy. She has no boobs and no ass. But I would do her. Hopefully they've got Yeesus locked up backstage.
8:55 best video with a social message? Gotta be Macklemore, right? I've never heard this award before. Winner...Macklemore. And a fat chick with a sleeve tat. That tat had to be so spendy. That's a lot of skin to cover. Time for some long windedness.
8:59 Justin Timberlake chills. /mize. FF time
9:01 oh look, it's N*Sync. They're cool. Old guys doing a boy band act is funny. Bye Bye Bye Bye.
9:03 holy crap, JT has been onstage for like 30 minutes or something. Realistically, probably 15 minutes.
9:05 best song of the summer? Wft. 1 Direction huh. NEXT! Fucking Brits
9:06 Jason Collins sounds like a robot. Weird. Actually, it kind of sounds like his mouth is full when he talks. Too soon?
9:07 Macklemore on stage. I like this Same Love song. It's so weird watching this white dude spit lyrics like does. Doesn't make sense.
9:11 fucking hamsters
9:12 T-Boz & Chili. Chili is hot. That is all. Drake is on stage, so I'm gonna pee.
9:15 best male video. I'll take all of them. /bilok
9:17 Oh Selena. Oh look, Bruno Mars. FF
9:18 fucking hamsters.
9:19 vidyo* of the year. I hope Thrift Shop wins. As long as its not bruno. VMA goes to...JT. I just gave mize a boner. I hope I never say that again.
9:20 final performance of the night. Katy Perry. I hope we see fun bags. This boxing setup is retarded. I mean, I get it. Eye of the Tiger. Rocky. That's cute. But just get on stage, wearing next to nothing, and that will suffice.